I’ll Do [this] When…

I’ll finally do [this] when I’ve lost [x] pounds. I’ll finally do [this] when I’ve reached my goal weight. I’ll finally do [this] when I’m thinner.

We’ve all seen it. New month, new me! And while I am here for using any excuse you can to up your motivation: please please don’t use this new month as an excuse to hole yourself up and go so hard with worrying about your weight that you miss out on the activities around you.

As someone who has suffered from an eating disorder, and who is currently on their own weight loss journey- I get it. Some dark corner of your brain (who, spoiler alert: is lying to you) sits there, trying to convince you that you can’t possibly take that vacation, go to that social outing, workout in a sports bra, post pictures of yourself on social media, start dating, whatever… until you look the way you want to. This part of your brain is wrong.

I won’t lie; I’ve fallen prey to the musings of that corner of my brain. When I gained a lot of weight in college (fun fact, nothing to do with Freshman 15, everything to do with my eating disorder and re-feeding syndrome), I hid. I came up with excuse after excuse to not go anywhere, to not hang out with or meet new people, to not explore events on campus because I had convinced myself that no one would want to be friends with me because I was so grotesque. I consequently missed out on so many things for the first two years of college. And in hindsight - I really wish I hadn’t withheld myself from so much.
It wasn’t until I got hired as an RA, met my now fiance and our best friends that I actually allowed myself to experience the world around me. And you know what? I was still “overweight'“. Yes, I cared about it (that doesn’t just go away), but I no longer was letting that stop me from enjoying my time at college - something I only planned on doing once.

So please, for the love of everything, do NOT hinge live events or travels or anything on weight loss. There’s no “I’ll only go to Paris when I lose 30lbs”, or “I won’t buy new clothes until I’m x weight”. You’ve got a short time on this planet. DO WHAT YOU WANT. Yes, you can also want to lose weight and make that a part of your journey- but don’t put the rest of your life on pause until you ‘meet your goal’. You are worthy of love and life and joy at any weight. You are phenomenal and gorgeous no matter the size of your jeans. You are celebrated by those know know and love you every day, no matter what. So get that new dress you’ve been eyeing! Pose in it! Post some pics! Be your amazing self.

xoxo, Sarah